Sometimes we have the dumbest thoughts. Last year, I wrote about some really awful, embarrassing thoughts that I tend to have sometimes, and I must admit that I have continued to have such thoughts into 2012—particularly regarding the whole zombiepocalypse stuff. Of course, I blame Cormac McCarthy and Richard Matheson for that…

My husband recently reminded me of some other zingers that I’ve had over the years, too, which might even be MORE embarrassing, such as…

• My weird red-haired thing. Look, growing up with bright copper hair, I was always treated weirdly; old people wanted to rub my head for good luck, young people made fun of me, and Ronald McDonald blew me humiliating kisses and called “Red hair! Like me!” from a parade float which left me scarred for years, hiding in a hoodie at every parade I attended. So I guess it’s only natural that I developed a strange redhead quirk. I am not a redhead supremacist by any means like Emma Pillsbury’s family from Glee (though I do take pride in the whole redhead tolerance for pain, which is also a stupid thing to do—it’s like bragging because you have green eyes or you’re tall!), but I used to think that people should only marry redheads if they have a “thing” for them. My husband never did and as a teen I would huffily tell him that if he didn’t have a “thing,” then why me? There aren’t that many redheads; shouldn’t someone with a “thing” for them have a chance to marry one instead? I know, complete. Utter. Stupidity.
• For most of my life, I believed that you should marry the person you gave your virginity to. I thought it was stupid and unrealistic to wait until marriage, but as liberal as I’ve largely been my whole life, I just thought it was that “special” (and risky—thanks, sex ed teachers!) to only be used once. Yeah, I don’t think that anymore; in fact, if that were true, I think a lot of couples would be in trouble or locked up.
• My use of the phrase “F your mom!” in response to collections callers. No, I don’t say it directly to them, but isn’t it bad enough on its own?
• I grabbed a lava lamp marked “Do not touch—HOT!” at a store once and surprisingly jumped back. Pretty stupid!

So go on, fess up here at Der! and share your stupidest thoughts. You won’t be judged, but we might laugh with you.